Mu rukundo, nubwo bigaragara ko ari abagabo akenshi badashaka kuvugisha ukuri, hari n’amabanga abagore n’abakobwa bahagararaho, batapfa gusangiza n’uwo bakunda. Hari ibintu umukobwa ashobora kukubwira atikandagira, ariko hari n’ibindi adashobora kukubwira keretse habaye impinduka idasanzwe. Ayo mabanga rimwe na rimwe si uko aba ashaka kubeshya, ahubwo ni uburyo aba yirindamo cyangwa yirinda kukubabaza.
Dore ibintu 3 bikomeye umukobwa mukundana atapfa kukubwira, kabone n’iyo yaba agukunda urudashira.
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1. Ibyiyumviro bye nyakuri
Umukobwa ni umuntu wuzuye amarangamutima, ariko akenshi ntabwo ayagaragaza uko ari. Iyo ari mu rukundo, nubwo ashobora kukwereka urukundo, guseka, cyangwa kukwitaho, kenshi aba ahisha ibimurimo. Ushobora kumusaba ko mugirana igikorwa runaka, akabyanga yitonze, ariko mu mutima we ibyo ashaka si ibyo akubwiye.
Aba yitwararika, atinya kukubabaza, cyangwa se akumva ko kwerekana uko yiyumva nyabyo byamutera intege nke. Urugero: ashobora kukubwira ati “Oya ntabwo niteguye kuryamana nawe,” nyamara mu mutima we aba arwana n’amarangamutima akomeye. Aba adashaka ko umwita ko ‘yoroshye’, aba ashaka kwerekana ko afite amahame akomeye — nubwo umutima uba wamaze kwemera.
👉🏽 Ibi ntibivuze ko aba ashaka kukubeshya, ahubwo ni uko amarangamutima ye aba akirwana n’imyumvire y’icyo agomba gukora cyangwa kureka.
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2. Imyaka ye nyayo
Kuba umukobwa yaguhisha imyaka ye si ibintu bishya mu rukundo. Hari impamvu nyinshi zituma umukobwa adashaka kukubwira imyaka ye nyakuri, ariko inyinshi zishingiye ku gutinya ko iyo ubonye imyaka ye uhita umukuraho amaboko cyangwa ukamucira urubanza.
Abakobwa benshi bavuga ko imyaka yabo bayihisha kubera:
Gutinya ko umusore amubona nk’ukuze cyane.
Guhisha ko yarengeje igihe cyo gushyingirwa (cyangwa icyo umuryango ubona nk’icyo gusezererwamo).
Gutinya gucibwa intege no guhabwa agaciro gake.
Kenshi abakobwa bari mu myaka ya 30 kuzamura, ni bo basigaye bihisha cyane, kuko baba babona umwanya wo kubaka urugo ugenda ubashirana, ariko nanone bagatinya ko kubibwira abasore byabatera kwitandukanya nabo.
Niba umukobwa agukunze, hari igihe uzasanga akunze no kugoreka ukuri, ariko si uko aba ashaka kukubeshya cyangwa aguhaye agaciro gake , ahubwo ni uko aba arwana no kwirinda icyamubabaza.
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3. Umubare w’abasore bakundanye mbere yawe
Iki ni kimwe mu bibazo bigoye cyane ku bakundana: “Wakundanye n’abasore bangahe mbere yanjye?”
Ku ruhande rw’abasore, nabo barabihisha, ariko ku bakobwa, ho bifite imizi miremire. Abakobwa benshi baba batinya ko iyo ubonye ko hari benshi bamuciyeho, utangira kumubona nk’umuntu utizerwa cyangwa ukeneye kwirindwa.
Akenshi umukobwa aragukunda ariko akaba atakwiyereka nk’uwaciye mu buzima bwinshi bw’urukundo. Aba ashaka ko umutima wawe umubona nk’umwimerere, nk’uwagukunze bwa mbere, nubwo atari ko bimeze.
Ushobora kumubaza uti “Wigeze ukundana na runaka?” Akaguhakanira, kandi nyamara warabyumvise cyangwa ukabyibwira. Si uko aba ashaka kukubeshya gusa, ahubwo ni uko aba atifuza gutakaza icyizere waba umufitiye.
Bene uyu mubano ugaragaza ko hari igihe umukobwa ahora atekereza uko ataguhomba, aho kukubwira buri kantu kose byamutesha amahirwe yo kugumana nawe.
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Inyigisho nyamukuru:
Mu rukundo nyarwo, ukuri ni ingenzi. Ariko nanone, kumva impamvu zituma umuntu agira ibanga ni ingenzi kurushaho. Iyo umukobwa agusabye umwanya, cyangwa akakubwira ibintu bidahuye n’ukuri kwawe, banza wibaze impamvu abikora aho kumucira urubanza.
Urukundo ni urugendo rwuzuye kumenyana, kwihanganirana no kwizerana.
Amabanga ntabwo aba agamije kukubabaza, rimwe na rimwe aba ari uburyo bwo kwirinda guhombera mu rukundo rudafite icyerekezo.